Don’t Give A Man More Than He Gives You

Hi. Sami here.

Yes, I know the title of this post feels “selfish” at first – but romance is a different ball game than the other relationships of your life.

In friendship, there is equality, there is give and take; in mothering, there is a lot of giving that you have to do. But in romance – HE has to be giving you more than you are giving to him.

Why? Because that’s how he falls in love. That’s how he feels attracted to you. That’s how a masculine man feels GOOD around you – when he is giving!

In fact, when you give a man more than he gives you, he actually starts to feel turned off by you without even knowing what’s really happening. It’s almost like a gut reaction in a man.

Even with my darling hubby, I notice (when I’m not at my best in a given moment and “offer” him something that he never asked for in the first place), I can immediately feel him close up, tense up, get uncomfortable.

It’s almost like his vibe is silently screaming at me: “Darling. That’s my job. You don’t have to do this or take care of this. I want to offer you the tea, I want to give you the massage. I want to make you happy. You should just relax.”

And we women are SO wired to give, that we feel the sky will fall if we receive from a man.

So, the next time you’re in a dating scenario or even with your boyfriend / husband, and you’re having an urge to give, do this quick tool I call…


 “Receiving Mode On”:


Step 1: Stop. Become aware in the moment that the urge to give is taking over (could look like offering him help, a massage, bringing him a gift, cooking him a fancy dinner)

Step 2: Take a deep breath. Feel that urge. Really feel where that giving urge sits in your body. Breathe relaxation into that urge.

Step 3: Smile at him. Make eye contact. (This will reduce the heaviness of the moment in your body).

Step 4: In your mind say the mantra: “He falls in love with me when he gives to me. My only job as a woman is to let him.”


Receiving mode on!

And repeat this mantra over and over again in your head, at the Starbucks table, at the dining table, at a party with your fiancee where he is gone to get you a drink.

Within a few repetitions, your vibe will relax and you will be reminded of the ultimate truth in love:

Masculine men like giving to us. Our only job is to let them and that – let’s face it – is the hardest part for us women.

I know because I’ve been an over giver myself.

But as you can see, I turned it around for me, and you can turn it around for yourself too (and it doesn’t have to take months or years) and create the amazing, dream relationship you’ve always wanted with a quality man that is meant just for you.

If you’re still dating and want to inspire a quality man’s love and commitment, check out my Date Like A Diva video training series. And if you’re already in a realtionship, check out my masterclass Reignite His Love For You – it will show you other aspects on how to keep a man’s love alive and thriving.

All you have to do is to want to get there, because I’m here to help you get there.



P.S. – Join my freaking fabulous tribe of women who are practicing feminine energy and making huge forward strides in their love lives on my Facebook support group, Wunder Divas, here: (it’s private and exclusive)!

Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder is a certified dating and relationship coach, a blogger and inspirational speaker. She helps women all over the world reconnect with their feminine energy and attract and keep the man of their dreams. Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

4 thoughts on “Don’t Give A Man More Than He Gives You”

  1. Sami, thanks for sharing your insight. I am just confused b/c I feel like I am in a place where my SO has been giving lots lately but he seems to think it goes unappreciated. I verbally thank him, I touch him and am affectionate, I let him know how wonderful and grateful I am but he still seems resentful and that I don’t do enough or reciprocate? How can this arise when you suggest not giving more than he is giving?

  2. I had the same experience as Christina. My man got tired of always giving, and felt resentful and I think somewhat used. I feel afraid to be this way in my next relationship.

    1. Hi Lily! Did you make sure to show proper appreciation for what he was giving you? In my group ( I have several posts about the value of appreciation in relationships. You are very welcome to join! <3

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