Today, I want to share a powerful experience that I once had, with a private client.
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Ramsey and I had been working to improve Ramsey’s relationship with her boyfriend. Ramsey had been together with him for over 4 years, and the lack of any mention of marriage or proposal had been getting Ramsey overtly restless. Resentment was building up in her, and it was affecting the energy of their relationship.
Within a few months of working on Ramsey’s feminine energy, unleashing her inner diva, getting her in touch with her own vulnerability and power and learning tools to bring her man closer and enhance his attraction for her, Ramsey’s love life saw a distinctive turnaround.
Her man was stepping up in ways that she couldn’t have imagined. He was planning more dates and dinners for them together, the sex returned, he was opening up and sharing more of himself with her and things were feeling great.
UNTIL – the evening he took Ramsey out to choose an engagement ring.
Instead of reacting positively and in an upbeat way to this development, Ramsey told him to “Stop fooling around,” in an almost harsh and intense voice.
Needless to say, her man was extremely shocked and expressed his unhappiness at her behavior. He got the ring anyway, and proposed to her within a week, after which Ramsey returned to me feeling guilty.
She felt curious to understand what had happened in that moment with her, and, why in spite of “getting the ring”, she was not feeling the happiness she thought she would feel.
And here’s what we found out:
1) Ramsey was not “living love in the moment” when her boyfriend took her ring shopping.
She was not present with him. She was “up in her head”, busy getting triggered and living the “past” in her body. On digging deeper, we found out that 3 years back her boyfriend had done the same – taken her to a ring shop and never bought the ring.
Hence, instead of feeling cherished or excited in this moment, Ramsey felt “played around with”, “not taken seriously enough”, and all her fears of being taken for granted returned with an intensity that she hadn’t ever known.
2) She forgot that she wasn’t the same Ramsey anymore, and neither was this relationship what it had been 3 years back. She had done all this work on herself but in that moment, she forgot her “new happy normal.”
3) Instead of sharing with him with vulnerability that she was feeling afraid of being disappointed again, she chose to keep quiet.
4) Then she let her fear rule her and exploded based on that fear. She ruined what could have been a perfect moment.
5) Last but not the least, she still wasn’t happy after getting the ring, because at some deep level she felt she doesn’t deserve it.
Ramsey’s inner patterns were so used to “being rejected”, that she always expected the worst to happen to her. It’s like her “safe place” to go to.
Hence, when the good stuff happened, when her man actually stepped up and said to her, “You are my wife, my one”, Ramsey didn’t know how to celebrate it or receive it because deep down, at a sub-conscious level, she still felt undeserving of it.
That’s classic self-sabotage playing out right there!
Thankfully, because Ramsey was under “Urgent Wunde Care”, it didn’t destroy this beautiful relationship of hers.
However, many of us, unconsciously push love away every single day, and end up losing many good men because of this. Even though we say “we want” something, most of us are not ready for it, and most of us internally feel like we don’t deserve it.
And That’s Where Inner Work Comes In!
Relationships are not just built on superficial “rules” of dating men, they are built on something more way more substantial than that – our relationship with ourselves, the baggage we carry from our past relationships, the emotional triggers we have, our toxic love habits and limiting beliefs.
Once we get that bit right, everything else starts to fall in place. The knowledge about men and attraction is like cherry on the cake…