Here’s a letter from Carrie. The guy she has been dating for the last 2 months has stopped calling all of a sudden. My answer addresses the age-old question: should you call him instead?
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Here’s Carrie’s letter –
“Hi Sami. I admire you so much and admire the work you are doing so much. It is so good to have support with situations like mine. So Dan and I have been dating on and off for the last two months. We meet at least once a week and it´s usually great. Just when everything started to feel great and perfect, he has stopped calling. As you suggested on our last Skype call, I didn’t call and decided to wait for him to call. It’s been ten days now and I am starting to get insecure and wonder if he is waiting for me to make a move? Please help me. I am starting to get a bit desperate. Thanks a lot. Carrie.”
Hi Carrie,
I get your situation. I really, really do.
I’ve been through the same confusion. I’ve had great men call me, make me feel on top of the world and then disappear on me.
And me being the woman I was, I always called them when they disappeared (I didn’t have Sami Wunder helping me back then).
And they responded but it was never the same again.
The calls reduced even more and the anxiety around why the man wasn´t calling increased. It felt like a lot of hard work to keep it going and they usually just faded over time.
My husband, in contrast, didn’t disappear on me for more than a day. He just didn’t.
He made me feel secure, he wanted to make me feel happy / special and for not more than a day did I feel his attention go away from me.
It’s like there was no opportunity to feel insecure because he was just always there …
So Carrie –
This is a very critical decision-making juncture that you are now at …
You have to make a decision on your style of relationships and what kind of man you want for yourself ultimately –
Do you want to work hard in the relationship and make it happen?
Do you want to keep the guy happy? Do you want to be the masculine energy partner?
You can CHOOSE that if you want but my guess is that most women don’t feel good being in those situations.
They tolerate it because they simply don’t know any other way of being in a relationship …
But with my work you know, there is always “another” way.
As a feminine energy coach and a feminine energy woman inherently NOW, I would encourage you to not call him.
Because if you do –
You are giving him a clear sign that if he “slacks off,” you will step in and rescue the relationship.
And once this kind of pattern starts, it is so hard for us women to break away from it.
This is precisely the reason why so many men become passive in their relationships.
They know that when they back off, their woman will pick up the slack on their behalf.
So Carrie, if you call him now, you are literally setting yourself up for a lifetime of “relationship work”.
And only you can answer if you would want that and whether you feel good about being in that role.
I don’t. And neither do my clients. It feels draining. Outright exhausting.
Here are my 2 quick recommendations for you Carrie –
# Recommendation 1
I recommend you to get busy, really, really busy with your life right now. We are doing the planning bit in our private coaching sessions, so this part should not be hard.
# Recommendation 2
Forget about him until the time he contacts you!
Yes.
If he is the man for you, I promise you he will return – he will make the move towards you again.
Can you trust in the knowing of this?
And if he doesn’t return, he was never the man for you and him disappearing has saved you a lot of delayed heart-break.
While forgetting a man we felt close to can be quite hard, having the clarity that a good man will instinctively and consistently want to move towards you, should help you in understanding dating / relationship dynamics better.
It should also help you in making more empowered choices here onwards – if you can choose to look at this situation as an opportunity to learn and grow.
All my love to you Carrie.
And to all my readers, if you are struggling with such decisions about dating, and if you want to learn all about feminine energy, I highly recommend investing in my advanced program for single women, Attract Your Soulmate. From mindset to practical tips, this program has everything you need to make dating work for you, with ease and joy. Read more about it HERE.
Love,
Sami
Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.
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Sami,
Great article! Loved the perspective of making a lifetime choice of how you want to be. As women, we often think if we do the work early to “rescue” the relationship that the man will, at some point, take over. It just often doesn’t happen that way.
Great advice! Keep up the great work!
Carla Leigh
Beautifully written and explained! Even though I know the tools, reading your words just made them feel really powerful again. I love everything about your style and site…such a great woman! xo
Thank you Carla!! Yes, men only do what they want and it is in our best interest to believe them when they clearly show the signs that they won´t / can´t step up. How are you doing? Would love to hear your updates. Love, Sami
Cat, thank you ! 🙂
Hi Sami.
What a timely article!
I’m currently facing a similar situation with a guy.We had great communication going,until he just went zipped on me.Ok I called him to ask what was the reason and he said”I was checking if you care,and in the past I went out of my way in my previous relationships,and it was taken for granted.”
When I sat back and analysed what he was saying(verbal and non-verbal),I actually realized that he’s not over his past.And by that I mean,he never really dealt with past hurts.He’s viewing things through what happened in the past when he did this or that.And he’s playing games! Which I will not tolerate and get myself caught up in.Hell-to-the-no
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