How Having Sex Too Soon Can Mess It All Up

Hi Divas, Sami here!

If you’ve been physically intimate with a man and then had him disappear on you or fizzle out after a few passionate nights, I know how horrible that can feel. Our self esteem can take such a bottom hit in those moments.

In today’s article, I decided to take up a question from one of my private coaching clients Merlin about the hot and controversial topic of sex and if it destroys the chances of having a real relationship with a man.

“Hi Sami. I am so fascinated and taken aback by the power and clarity of what you teach and how you teach it. My question to you is about sex – Does having sex too early destroy our chances of having a real relationship? I’d love to have your view on this. Thank you so much.” Merlin, Los Angeles, California.

My Response:

Hi Merlin, That’s a brilliant and supremely relevant question and I will straight away get to the answer.
First things first, sex “itself” does not mess up your chances of having a real relationship with a man. It’s a beautiful, intimate and powerful act that brings two people close in ways that nothing else does.

However, the timing of when you have that sex is indeed critical to defining your probability of success in creating a committed relationship with a man.

When sex happens too early on in the dating phase, it brings 2 distinct disadvantages with it.

1) On the man’s part, he hasn’t really worked hard to get you.

Men value what they have to work hard to get and having sex early in the dating process means that you have given it away somewhat easy.  None of us value what comes easy. Do we? Neither do men.

He will still totally enjoy what you have to offer him and he will gladly keep taking it from you but it does not create within him that deep level of attraction that he needs in order to feel something more than just “physical attraction” for you. That kind of deep, emotional attraction that makes him stay…

This is the reason why in spite of all that great chemistry and connection, a man will often disappear by telling you “He is not feeling it for you” and go for a woman that has made him work hard.

By going slow with the sex, she has sub-consciously indicated to him that she is a high value woman he has to work hard to get. A huge turn on for men when they are looking to build long term committed relationships and find their “one.”

2) On your part, your hormones can mess you up and make you feel invested in the man too quickly. 

One of the key reasons why I give the “traditional advice” of holding off the sex for at least 3 months when dating is because the moment you as a woman sleep with a man, your body releases an attachment hormone “Oxytocin” that bonds you instantly with him. This hormone makes everything about this man and relationship feel way more intense and “real” than it actually is.

It should be clear to you that it’s okay if you feel this way for the right man but very often our hormones make us feel this way for the wrong guy and cloud our ability to see things for what they truly are.

I write about this in detail in my e-book, “Your Feminine Roadmap To His Commitment. Learn How To Inspire A Man’s Full Devotion” where I give you the step by step roadmap (literally!) to creating a committed relationship with a great man while keeping your vibe high and high value throughout the dating process.

Sex can be tricky and while many women tell me they want to have it “just for fun” with a man, thanks to their hormones, they often end up finding themselves attached to him and later craving and pining for him.

I don’t want this to happening to you.

Taking it slow when it comes to sex gives you the time you need to wisely choose where you want to be vulnerable and in whom you are ready to invest.

For more advice on how to deal with sex, as well as how to establish healthy boundaries and how vulnerability and being a high-value woman, check out my video training series, Date Like A Diva. It will really help you enjoy dating and effortlessly attract quality men who are ready to create a real relationship with you.


Sami Wunder

P.S. – Want to learn how to attract and keep “grand love” in a fun, juicy, lively way?  Join my terrific, confidential group of Wunder Divas where I give regular dating & relationship support on –

Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder is a certified dating and relationship coach, a blogger and inspirational speaker. She helps women all over the world reconnect with their feminine energy and attract and keep the man of their dreams. Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

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