Hi there, my single diva!
Are you accidentally de-valuing yourself in the eyes of men?
Learn the 6 Steps to Attracting Your Soulmate in my free guide [click here to download]
You are a strong and independent woman. You have no issues picking up the phone and calling a man, driving to him, planning a date, or even paying for your share on a date.
And yet, after a few high spark dates, he starts to withdraw and leaves you feeling clueless about what you did wrong. Sounds familiar?
Don’t worry, because you’re not alone in this! This is the typical trap many high-achieving, successful women fall into. They accidentally de-value themselves in the eyes of men by practicing masculine “business”-like behaviours in their romantic relationships.
A masculine energy man feels drawn to a feminine energy woman. He likes to lead, initiate, plan, pursue. He enjoys a woman who is a bit of a challenge.
When we initiate contact, give him presents, drive to him, tolerate his bad behaviour because we don’t want to upset him or even go “dutch” on dates, we’re making it all too easy for him.
Hence, even though in our eyes we’re just being a “nice girl,” in his eyes we’re reducing our value.
I know how uncomfortable this might feel for you to read. After all, in your head, you’re just showing him that you too are interested and we live in an equal world today.
The world of romance, has always been a counter-intuitive field. By counter-intuitive I mean that what we instinctively want to do when we like a man is what actually goes against us in the long run.
Why?
Because most of us grew up believing the wrong information about what captures the heart of a man and what makes him stay. We were all taught that giving is a good thing, so the moment we meet a man we like, we start to give to him (masculine energy).
We innocently think that by doing these giving behaviours that I listed above, we can impress him and show him what a great catch we are.
Unfortunately, this kind of behavior not only doesn’t help pump up a quality man’s attraction for us, it damages it! When the attraction a man feels for a woman early on in the dating phase diminishes, he can disappear without warning, leaving us resentful and confused about where we went wrong.
And you should know now, once and for all, why this happens. Awareness is the key to your empowerment in your love life.
This happens because the minute you start getting into this “giving” masculine energy mode, it lowers your value in his eyes. He sub-consciously feels that you don’t consider yourself worthy of his pursuit.
And who wants a low-value, unworthy object?
I don’t. You don’t. He doesn’t either.
So, let’s see what behaviors count as high value instead in a quality man’s eyes:
1) A woman who knows that she is the prize in love.
She can allow a man to pursue her and let him initiate contact with her because she feels worthy of his attention and effort.
2) A woman who can actively and joyfully receive from a man (his time, attention, gifts) without feeling any obligation of returning to him in the same proportion. She knows her mere presence and company is gift enough for him. She is the feminine diva that he craves to be around.
3) A woman who comes from a place of inner confidence and high self-esteem and knows that she has choices when it comes to men, instead of acting from a place of fear, control and scarcity and treating a man as the last surviving male on the planet. This is where rotational dating helps tremendously (and I talk about this powerful, life-changing concept in great detail in my Attract Your Soulmate program).
4) A woman who has standards about how she wants to be treated and will not settle for “less-than” treatment from a man.
5) A woman who puts her needs and her heart first, before she considers the needs of the man.
If these behaviours feel uncomfortable, almost selfish to you, I understand. Some years back, I, too, would have responded like you. And yet if you know my story, I turned my love life around when I learnt, with finality, what attitudes serve us women in love and bring our men close and what attitudes push them away.
In my experience, if you practice the high value behaviours I have listed here, your vibe will be raised instantly and, without even trying harder, you will effortlessly appear as a high value woman in any man’s eyes.
Remember these high value behaviours must be a lifestyle you practice and not something you fake to just get a man.
Strategies never work with men. Only authenticity does.
In my in-depth, life-changing program, Attract Your Soulmate, I identify several areas where we women lose our high value vibe in dating, and I explain how we can maintain our power in dating and relationships by implementing simple shifts in our daily interaction with men and harnessing the power of our feminine energy in the process of rotational dating.
Find it here: http://go.samiwunder.com/attract-your-soulmate-program/
I’d love to hear back about how this works for you. Just comment in the box below and let’s talk.
Love,
Sami Wunder
P.S. – Women are making huge forward strides in love on my private relationship support group Wunder Divas. Come join my amazing community here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/wunderdivas/
Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.
- What Is A High Quality Man? 6 Traits Of High-Value Men To Look For In Dating - July 18, 2021
- 10 Signs Of Love Bombing – Learn To Recognize The Red Flags! - April 15, 2021
- What Is Love Bombing In Dating? - April 14, 2021
Sami,
I’m very happy I stumbled upon this article and the “Impress me handsome” tool. I am in the “practice ground” of circular dating and learning all the time about myself from the men I am dating. Just recently I went on two dates with a man who triggered me to want to go into lean forward and man pleasing mode. He was a lovely guy and very much the kind of man I would want. At some point a sense of urgency, confusion and impatience came up for me and it was difficult to maintain my strength. I am very pleased I have read this article now so I know exactly how to behave. Thank you for the reminder!
x
Indigo, You´re so very welcome !! It feels good to hear that this helped you at a critical time. Just keep hanging on, keep rotational dating, giving love to your urgent / impatient parts and stick to the plan till it becomes second nature to you. I know it will! 🙂 Love, Sami
Sami, I just wanted to take a moment to come and thank you. After leaning back like you advised, this same man has contacted me again, very caring and loving with his energy coming towards me again, saying how he can’t wait to see me again. This would never have happened if I didn’t read your article and take the time to balance my energy again!
x
Indigo !! You´re so welcome!! 🙂 I feel super glad to hear that. Yay girl !
Given that you are right now in the thick of rotational dating, my latest E-book “Your Feminine Roadmap To His Commitment” might be just the perfect thing for you. Make sure you grab your copy and meanwhile keep going dear diva!! Love, Sami
Hi Sami,
First, what an amazing article!!! Like Indigo, I went on two dates with a guy, who I really liked. I met him online and there was something about him that made me lean in and go into people pleasing mode. It did not serve me well, as it seems like he now takes me for granted. I will certainly lean back now, and hopefully he will contact me again. Lesson learned! Please let me know if there is any advice you can give.
Thanks so much for all of your help.
Oh, and one more thing… I was thinking of updating my online dating profile (which currently has only 1 photo), but I was thinking I should wait to see if he contacts me (before I start uploading photos), as I don’t want it to affect whether he calls me again or not. What do you think?
Hi Tekesha,
You’re so very welcome!! Yes lean back big time now and remember not to do with the agenda of having him show up again in your life – he may or may not. Lean back energetically by pulling all your energy back to your diva self. Make this about you feeling good in this position and not to get a result from him.
About the online profile, a man who isn’t committed to you should NEVER be the reason why you don’t shine in your own life. You don’t owe him anything at this moment. Go on and upload pictures of yourself that feel good to you. I saw your purchased the e-book. Read that – and do rotational dating to keep the focus off him. That’s where your vibe will rise sky high. Let me know how it’s going for you AND you may want to join the other Wunder divas on my confidential Facebook group – https://www.facebook.com/groups/wunderdivas/
Love, Sami
I get what you’re saying. However If man pleasing mode is what we shouldn’t do, then what is it for? If it doesn’t help us in any way, why do we feel compelled to be sweet to the guy when we are in love?
Great question Elena. Being sweet and open to a man is not the same thing as being in man pleasing mode. Being sweet and open (because that’s who you are as a person) is very different from the pleasing vibe – where we are busy trying to impress, do things for him and try to win his attention. Love, Sami
My brother recommended I might like this blog. He was entirely right.
This post actually made my day. You cann’t imagine just how much time I had spent for this info!
Thanks!
Best ever
Thank you so much for the info on relationships. I look forward to receiving the newsletters.
I really want to thank you for the amazing advice,but I would really appreciate your advice on the questions to ask a man to see if you are on the same page
Can a woman regain high status/ be re-evaluated as high value by a man?
Short story:
– Was with man for almost a year
– Gave it my _all_ andI accepted _any_ treatment from him
– He slacked off commitment-wise and didn’t connect
– Dumped me stating I “deserve better” and he couldn’t see himself “with one woman for the rest of my life”
– He’s a commitment-phobe due to past hurt
– I’m currently working with a psych on rebuilding self-esteem/ self-love (who gives all and accept anything? a chick who doesn’t love herself)
If he comes back, and with my self-love and self-esteem rebuilt, can I reset his perceptions of me to a high value ‘category 3’?
I.E., exhibit category-3 behaviours because I really believe that I am worthy, and subsequently reset his opinion of my value?
Guys out there? Thoughts?
Hi there! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!
I behave the way I am. I don’t pretend and adjust to a man’s ideal woman.
Hi Violeta! We come with a lot of bad love habits often. Washing off any responsibility to work on ourselves is not the most constructive way to go! Said with love. Sami x
@OnderHassan:disqus – I’m sorry that you have had bad experiences with women who act entitled or don’t know how to treat a man with respect. Most probably, they have been hurt, too.
If you go through some other articles on this blog, you will see that Sami teaches women to actually do a lot of “work” – to get over their baggage (i.e., avoid “drama”), to make peace with their emotions (i.e., not blow up like a crazy person), to learn heathy behaviors (i.e., to not be passive-aggressive), to know when to give a man freedom (i.e., to not be needy and controlling), to know how to communicate in an efficient way. Sami is helping women be strong and healthy individuals who can create strong and healthy relationships. I can be a good partner to my boyfriend of two years specifically because I have done this work myself. And learning all this start with learning to be high-value.
I appreciate your comment Sandra. But in my experience, women do not say what they mean and communicate through their emotions. So what you’re saying (while commendable) holds very little weight in my ability to trust what you or any girl will say. Because it constantly changes and lacks character.