The First 3 Months Of Dating Are Critical

Hi Divas, Sami here!

I repeatedly tell my clients that the first 3 months of dating a man are critical.
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Critical, because this is the time period during which rapid attraction building is taking place and where the man is essentially making up his mind about you and if he wants a future with you.

Believe it or not but in these first 12 weeks of knowing a man, the fundamentals of the relationship are decided. What you do during this phase of dating is what will go on to decide how the relationship will evolve and look in the future and whether or not it will at all progress forward.

It’s a bit like the first trimester of pregnancy – the most crucial time in the formation of a baby in the mother’s womb. It is during the first 12 weeks that all the major organs like the heart, liver and kidneys develop and where the risk of miscarriage or something going wrong with the pregnancy is the highest. Post these 12 weeks, doctors generally claim that pregnancies get stable with little risk to the fetus in the womb.

Relationships are like this too.
The First Three Months Of Dating Are Critical

What a man fundamentally thinks of you, how he fundamentally experiences you and how weak or intense his attraction is for you is decided during this phase of dating.

If you have been leaning back (learn all about this powerful feminine energy tool in my Attract Your Soulmate audio program) and letting him initiate the contact in your relationship, you have sub-consciously laid the rules of the relationship for him without having long conversations about it. If he agrees to that kind of relationship dynamic with you and enjoys it, he will willingly carry on.

However, if you have been giving confused signals – you lean back but then you get afraid and initiate contact, then that’s exactly how he will process the relationship – confused and with weakened attraction towards you!

If you say something and then do something else, he will know that you’re not someone who sticks to her words and wouldn’t take you seriously enough!

In other words, the clearer your signals and your stance is for the man at the beginning of the relationship, the more heightened and robust his attraction will be towards you!

This means that the first 3 months are THE time for you to practice your feminine energy tools – honest talking, vulnerability and open heartedness, keeping your standards high and not bending them for any man who comes your way (“I like him, so I change my rules for him”), leaning back and letting him row the boat.

This is also the time when the hormones are the highest and the temptation to jump into bed the greatest!

While many women claim they can keep emotions and physical intimacy separate, I like to believe it is only a claim given that science has proven that women’s bodies secrete hormones that explicitly and emotionally attach her to the man she has slept with. I talk about this in greater detail in my video series, Date Like A Diva, but what I can say here is that the longer you wait for physical intimacy to happen (of course you can kiss and touch but what I am referring to here is proper sleeping with him), the more chances and space you give for the emotional intimacy to build in the man.

The bottom line of this message is that timing is important! Doing it right in the beginning of your dating does count! If you can be your soft, feminine self with a man, and yet be firm in the way you approach your relationships with men, you will have “got it.”

Do it right at the start if you want it to continue being on the right track in the future.

Let me know if you have any specific questions, in the comments below and I will be happy to answer them for you.



Sami Wunder

Sami Wunder is a certified dating and relationship coach, a blogger and inspirational speaker. She helps women all over the world reconnect with their feminine energy and attract and keep the man of their dreams. Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.

27 thoughts on “The First 3 Months Of Dating Are Critical”

  1. Hello again Sami! Loved this post as well! I’m happy to confess that I’m in a good point right now—I’m the same “Julia” who was sharing my story in a comment on your recent Digital Romance article, btw :). What I’m facing now is… after you’ve attracted an amazing man who seems to adore you, how do you keep a good thing going while also navigating… well, “real life” (meeting the friends and parents; household and chores; living together…)? Would love to see what insight you have about the later stages of a relationship! Thanks! 🙂

    1. Hi Julia! Sure. Are you signed up for my newsletters? I am soon doing a free audio call for women in relationships. You’re welcome to join me 🙂 Love, Sami

  2. Thanks again Sammi for your help I have a question
    What if you pass the 3 months you’ve already been in a relationship brokeup and are once again trying to see if there’s another possibility…. we’re seeing each other not considered a couple right now but we’ve continued to sleep with one another how can I bring this up to him the right way about not wanting to continue having sex? Am I already going down the wrong path because we sleep with each other does it mean he won’t see me more than that since he’s comfortable with what were doing? If continuing to have a physical attraction with him does that mean he isn’t going to connect with me in an emotional attraction? What do I do?

  3. Jane, you sound like you are in quite a situation. The best way for me to help you would be through a clarity call. Just book a time and we get on Skype and fix your issue. Love, Sami

  4. Hi, i have been dating this man its now going to be 3 months. While we meet atleast twice a weak, we get out and watch movies, iceskating, or stay in and cook and eat etc. its all going great so far but i think i did not do it right in the beginning and now he says im a bit clingy. How do i regain my original ” gosh i like her, she is great’ status. Not that its lost now but im not sure what happens after 3 months. We both are single parents and we have not yet met our respective kids. When is the right time to have some serious talks about committment. Everytime i say i want to talk , he avoids it. Im not sure whats in his mind and what are to be my next steps. We still have not met each others family or friends.

    1. Hi Anne. In the Date like a diva program I explicitly mention how it´s not in your favour to bring up the heavy relationship talk. A man must feel INSPIRED to move the relationship forward. We cannot nag him into it. He´s clearly showing you he´s not into the whole commitment thing right now. I know this hurts to realise but it´s in your favour to quit bringing up this topic AND (very important) to step back a bit in this relationship. It might be that you´re more invested in this relationship than he is.

      I would recommend you to do one of my programs for single ladies in order to step up your diva vibe in this relationship. I hope this helps a bit and wish you the best. Love, Sami

  5. Sami, I really need your advice on this!

    I Really need Sami to answer this question for me. It’s been a few
    weeks now and I’m worse than I did the day after i said goodbye to a

    Back story……Started dating this guy 3 months ago. dinner and
    conversation and with both had instant attraction to each other. We
    would meet half way (lived 11/2 away from each other). We talked but it
    was a physical relationship. In those three months he only came to my
    town the first week we met and then I would go to his house a few times
    and mostly meet at the half way point. We would meet during the week but
    never on the weekends. He never invited me to his weekend get aways he
    had with friends and didn’t talk about introducing me to his friends.
    The last time we met at the half way point he asked me to meet him but
    it would have to be at 8pm because he had a late meeting. I got to bar
    and got a text that he would be late and more like 8:30 and that he was
    sorry. He ended up getting there after 9pm and apologized again. I asked
    how his meeting was and that’s when he told me it was with his friends
    who he was going on a houseboat with in a couple weeks and that they
    were planning the meals. I felt hurt by this and tried to brush it off.
    Once we got to his cabin I told him I was a little pissed and was
    feeling like I should go home. His response was “No one here is keeping
    you from leaving” I just looked at him stunned and told him that I feel
    like i’m just a fuck to him. I got up and left. He didn’t try to stop me
    or even check to see if I made it home ok. The next day I texted him I
    was sad that the night ended the way it did and that I wished him all
    the best. He responded the next day saying yes, it was sad and that he
    sincerely wishes me the best. five days later I wrote Thanks….hope you
    are doing well.

    My question for you is. Was I wrong telling him how I felt? I still
    want to date him. How do I let him know I’m still interested with out
    looking like a needy person?

    1. Hi Kristina. My lovely!

      Where do I start? So much going on here that I would advice differently on.

      For now, how would it feel to stop making effort to see him and just see if he makes effort? That’s the best sign that there’s a chance here.

      You didn’t do anything wrong by sharing it felt off what he did. You did the right thing because that’s what high value women do.
      They don’t accept crumbs from men and express their displeasure when genuine.

      However, sleeping too quickly with a man based on chemistry is again something I don’t recommend if you’re looking to attract an amazing relationship in the long run.

      I’d recommend you to start with one of my introductory programs – Diva dating toolkit and keep me updated!

      Love Sami x

  6. Hey Sami,
    I have been dating my guy for 3 months now. He is a truck driver and he lives in another state, yet we see each other at most, every 2 weeks. I agree with you when you say, the distance allows the emotional intimacy to build. However, I am so anxious to see where this relationship is going but have been doing pretty well (if I must say so myself) with going with the flow of things. He was in town last week and although this was the shortest visit, a few days later, he admitted that he didn’t like the short visit and that he wished we could have had more time. I take that as a good sign. At the beginning, he stated that he just wanted to take things one day at a time, so my question is… When (if any) is it a good time to revisit that conversation? 6 months? A year? Reason being, is although, Im 30 years old, I don’t to waste too much time, if he doesn’t forsee some sort of future with me?

    1. Ciara, we need you to start rotational dating. You’re putting too much focus and attention on this one man.His actions will show his seriousness over time.Until then, rotational date. Meet other men for coffee and connection dates.Love, Sami

  7. Hi Sami,

    I’ve been dating a guy for 2 months now but after the first week of casually dating we started spending almost every day together. We can’t get enough of each other, and now he has friends in town who are staying at his place so he’s been living at my apartment for a week. Everything is going very well and it feels like a comfortable happy long term relationship even though we’ve only been together for 8 or 9 weeks. We talk about future plans and I’ve even talked to his family over the phone (they live on the other side of the world), and he’s met my mother. Things are moving very fast, but communication is amazing and we even sat down and had a conversation about how quickly things were moving and checked in with each other to see if we were both comfortable with this. My question is, is it too soon to say the “l” word? I want to tell him I love him and I have to stop myself from blurting it out sometimes. He seems to be tiptoeing around it too, using the word love in other contexts.

    Anyway I don’t want to scare him off but I really want to take that little step and say it 🙂



  8. How does this work with “dating” a man online during Covid? We have regular, weekly phone dates that last for several hours, and he initiates communication daily. We have 2 trips planned for when he is able to get back into the country. Does the “3 months” begin then? I am still seeing other people. But he has been the most consistent and moved forward naturally ironically… Like a race horse… Thank you.

  9. My first 3 months I wasn’t “into” this guy. I was in fact hung up on another. But he was sweet and persistent and eventually we were regularly seeing each other. We became intimate and both fell in love. Then, after 7 or 8 months I was the one freaking out if he hadn’t called or texted. He eventually walked away w/o a word. A month later he is texting, just how are you type messages. Can I somehow reset the first 3 month rule? Lean back and give polite reply but no encouragement to him?

      1. I don’t understand why you are talking about the man and the man is making up his mind. You don’t think the woman is deciding if she wants him?

  10. Hi Sami!

    I have been love bombed in the past and now I don’t know how to distinguish if someone is being nice, into me and leading or love bombing me. Any tip? thanks!

  11. My BF n I have recently gone on a break. He has disclosed to me that he is unsure about getting married and that he does not want kids or animals. Where as I want a child, marriage, and animals. Here’s the kicker we have been dating for three months. He said kids are annoying and expensive and tbh it hurt when he said that.

  12. Well I was in a platonic relationship for 10 months before that sometime he had me in the friendzone. At the start of it all he stated he only wanted to be friends cause he had relationship trauma from 2 past marriages & was emotionally unavailable all along. Then he unexpectedly stopped texting in the 10th month & ghosted. So what do u say about all that. I wanted him to be a bf but he stated that’s what he didn’t want. He was into being casual & had Fa/Da attachment style. Mine was AA so he couldn’t meet my needs & had to go along with accepting it as a friend only relationship..tho he use to talk as if he wanted to be in a relationship. He’d say Hold on, you’re with me & said he was possessive. I think he was a controller cause he said I didn’t have to wear makeup cause he hinted around he preferred the plain look even tho at 1st met me with it on. Wth?

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