Hi There Ladies,
Do you have a checklist for your Mr.Forever? Like a list of qualities you would like him to possess? If you haven’t written it down, I am sure you have at least a mental checklist.
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Here are the most common qualities that my private coaching clients mention when we do this exercise together –
–> Should have a personality.
–> Should be good looking.
–> Should make me laugh and be humorous.
–> Should have a good job.
–> Should be at least “so many” inches tall.
–> Should respect my family.
–> Should believe in God or be a spiritual person.
–> Should be charming and have passion for his work.
–> Should dress well (so many women have preferences for men in suits ;)) Let´s face it. They DO look nice 🙂
–> Should have a zest for life and varied interests.
I could go on and on here with this list but these characteristics are enough to prove the point I am going to make.
The point is that we fall in love with how a man looks on paper.
We fall in love with a man because he is good looking, has a good job, dresses well, makes us laugh. At the start it almost always seems like a match made from heaven only that we later find out it’s not!!
Overtime, you feel his interest dwindling, his calls reducing or you find him outright bailing out on you by telling you that he is “not ready” or he is “not feeling it for you.” And you find yourself once again at the same cross-street –
“I thought we fit so well. We could’ve been so good together. Why can’t he see it? What went wrong here?”
In my experience what went wrong here, like every other time, is that you chose a man based on your paper checklist. He tick marked most of the requirements on your checklist and you thought it was a great fit.
And you reached this conclusion without noting whether he has the one quality that you should actually be looking for in a man when you’re out there finding true love.
What’s this quality?
It’s how he makes you FEEL and what he is willing to do for your happiness.
By this, I don’t mean the butterflies you feel in your stomach when you see him, or the “spark” when he first kissed you. That is just chemistry and it can be a danger in itself.
What I mean is:
Do you feel secure and happy when you’re with him AND when you’re not with him?
In other words, he not only makes sure you that have a great time when he’s around but even when he’s not with you – he calls, texts and makes you feel secure and he does this consistently, never leaving you feeling confused about where you stand in his list of priorities!!
This one quality in a man, where he wants to make you feel good all the time and where your happiness is his priority is the ONLY defining quality that a man should possess to create a healthy, long-term relationship.
The rest, at least most of it, is fluff, superficial and doesn’t contribute in any way to creating a happy, long term relationship.
Charm, humor, passion for his work, personality, height – What good do these qualities bring to a relationship when the man who is all of these things treats YOU like the last step on his ladder, unimportant and like crap?
And yet so many of us women get pulled, again and again, into the trap of falling for men in whose plan of priorities we figure last. We hope and wonder and pray that we can somehow change his mind and make him SEE what a great catch we are.
Unfortunately, it never works!
To learn what DOES work, check out my Date Like A Diva video training series – it will explain SO much about what’s important with men and dating!
Do you find it challenging to love men who love you? What has your experience been around this? Let me know in the comments section below. I love hearing back from you!! 🙂
To choosing the right men for us,
Sami Wunder
Sami has been seen on The Daily Mail, The Elephant Journal, The Natural Health Magazine, and The Huffington Post.
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I love this. Its a great reminder. Choosing men wisely. It´s funny how when you know this, it feels easy to implement but otherwise you can keep getting caught up in these kind of interactions with men for your whole life and not know what you´re doing wrong. thanks for your great work !!
Thank you Magnolia!! So glad it helped you. Yes we have to CHOOSE the right men for us! Just like we choose what we eat and put into our bodies. Love, Sami
I am a 57 yr old lady who is a single mom. I raised 2 children by myself and without the help of anyone. My children are now grown. My daughter is married and with 2 children, and my son died 21/2 yrs ago. I hadn’t dated anyone in 34 yrs. My daughter and I decided that it was time for me to try and find someone since I live by myself and wanted a companion. So I tried the dating sites because I live in a small town with very few men who are available or didn’t hold my interest. I dated 3 different men on the site. The first came into my life trying to prove he was a great lover and needed only sex since I hadn’t had anyone for 34 yrs, needless to say that didn’t work, My 2nd man was long distance and had to much drama something that I didn’t need either. The 3rd man was long distance and had a child wanted me to move to where he lived, didn’t have a job, wanted me to sell my house and leave my job of 33 yrs. I was not willing to do any of this and he didn’t want to give up anything. I feel like if I meant anything to him then he could have at least tried to show some interest instead of me supporting him financially. I am now presently dating a gentleman who shows interest in me and spends time with me. He makes sure that I know what is going on in his life and shares his interests as well as mine. When we are together I feel loved and needed and can’t wait until the next time we are together. I don’t worry about him lying and cheating for he was done that way in his marriage so that is not a worry. We connected when we first met and fit together so perfect. I know every relationship will have it’s up and downs but I feel if we are willing to work on this then we will be okay. I love him with all my heart and he tells me everyday that he loves me. It’s a good feeling knowing that I have found a gentleman to spend my time and love with. Thank you for your interest and articles.
Karen, thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences. I am so glad it is looking good for you. I wish you all the best with this man and if there is any hiccup or doubt I can help you with, please let me know and I will be happy to support you. Love, Sami
Why does it seem to work so simply and easily for someone like Karen (see above) but not for me. I’m 44. I have been single for 17 years. I am TIRED of being alone. I seem to attract only men that are attracted to me and I am not attracted to them. Karen made is seem so simple. Is this more of that Law of Attraction stuff? How do I shift what I attract when I don’t even know how I am attracting them?
Carla, raising your vibration will help you attract better men and better stuff in your life! Do you have my affirmations? http://samiwundercoaching.com/diva-in-life-diva-in-love/index.html They will help you cultivate self-love and positivity! <3